Getting Back to Normal

Getting Back to Normal

These past months, I’ve faced more grief and change than I could have previously imagined happening in such a short time span. And it turns out, all those cliche’ quotes about strength are true!

I keep thinking of this analogy of a ship at sea. It’s like, the ship and it’s crew leave a port and then get hit by all of these major storms. Then everyone goes into survival mode and has to keep taking everything one, soggy, step at a time.

And then, one day, the skies clear and the water grows calm again. Soon you hear the words “Land ho!” And it seems too good to be true. Are things truly settled down? Are the storms really finished?  But there it is, despite doubts! A new port comes into view, and sighs of relief are had all around.

I feel like I’ve finally come into that new port. But it is really hard to believe. I suppose that’s where faith comes in. Right? God’s been teaching me all about that.  He’s been like the Captain on my ship, making sure His crew is safe, that no one falls over board, and always whispers “Just keep breathing.”

I’ve heard plenty of stories about other people who go through bad times, and they get mad at God, like it was His fault or something. Honestly, I expected myself to react that way too. But I never did, even if I tried, I found no reason to be mad at Him.

What I have learned is, God doesn’t necessarily make the bad things happen. He is, always definitely there by your side though- because He wants to help you through the bad things.

Anyway, I keep thinking to myself ‘When will things go back to normal?’. The problem is, things never will go back to normal. They can almost-sometimes go back to normal- if you stop and recall memories. Or, for example, I can hear my mom being mad about things such as me not wiping the counter off and things like that. And then it feels as if she’s still alive. But, in reality, I have to find a new normal. Which is very bittersweet.

It’s no secret that I hate change.  But at least I can swallow that pill with a spoonful of sugar; the sugar being all those little things and big things, in the present and the future, that are truly beautiful. Like, seeing my daughter give a toothy grin, watching the blossoming apple trees dance in the wind, seeing my dad laugh again,  seeing how my horses respond positively to what I tech them and things like that.

Sure it sucks, having to let go of loved ones,  but I can think about that more when I’m out to sea again.

For now, at least for tonight, I can feel peace in this port and stock up on supplies for the next voyage.

Stay Strong.

-H

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He Lived.

He Lived.

Tomorrow we have to bury our son, Aaron Joseph Gregory, who lived for 14 short weeks in my womb. Why he died, nobody knows. My doctor was even confused about it.

I just want to remember that he lived. Our Aaron had a life and a purpose. (Even if I don’t know that purpose right now.)

I wrote a poem (I don’t know if it’s any good.) But here it is:

Tomorrow we mourn your body,  

though your spirit’s far away-

pain and strife can’t touch you-

but it’s touching me today.

We’ll never see your smile,

hear you laugh,

look into your eyes.

But I’ll remember you

every time I cry. 

Time keeps moving on, 

but I wish it would just stop.

I want to go backwards and change this plot. 

But even after the seasons change, 

Summer fades, life moves on-

I promise I will always love you,

my little son. 

 

-H

 

Not the Thought that Counts

Not the Thought that Counts

“It’s the thought that counts” has always been a phrase that bothers me. The thought does not count unless it is followed by an action. This applies to so many things I don’t even know which direction to go with.

It applies with exercise and eating healthy… THINKING about it is still not doing it.

It applies to the natural disasters, shootings, and bombings you hear about on the news… every one is so quick to post a status on Facebook about it, or say “our thoughts are with so-and-so during this time” but really your thoughts are not going to miraculously manifest food, shelter, or comfort to those in need. You sitting there at you computer, or holding your phone THINKING about how terrible some event was is not benefiting anyone.

Similar to the above it applies to people who have just lost a loved one… sending your thoughts and prayers does nothing to fill the hole now left in those people’s lives. You sitting there feeling sorry for them and THINKING about how sad they must be is just stupid and helps nothing.

It applies to saying you support someone in a life decision, or in a project, or in a goal…but what are you actually doing to support them? The words and THOUGHTS of support only go so far.

And yes, I know everyone means well when they say those things, and it is so automatic of a response no one really thinks about what they are actually saying.

BUT! Unless you follow your thoughts with actions your thoughts are essentially meaningless.

(I know not everyone will understand this movie reference but I find it hilarious)

Until next week

-Mama T

Some Thank You’s

Some Thank You’s

Tomorrow, my sister and I are doing our first craft show for MN.Ms! We have to be at the fairgrounds early in the morning to set up. So, coffee all around! Haha

Yesterday we put the finishing touches on our products and finally have everything checked off the to-do list.

I’m super excited about this giant leap of faith, but also freaking out a little. Haha

I wanted to do a shout out to a few people who have helped make this possible for us:

Of course, first off, to our Mum! Because she helped us get started on this whole idea.

Secondly,  to my husband and  to Mama T’s Fiance’, for watching the kids on weekends and helping in other countless ways. (And being supportive even when you  guys probably wished we would talk about something other than natural skin care products..)

Thirdly, to our Dad. Because he’s been our cheer leader, even through this past Winter.

And last, but not least, our kids! Because they have to be just as patient with us as we are with them when we’re trying to make products and they just want our  attention. Haha

Mama T and I have learned so much through the process of getting to this point. And, hopefully, this is only the beginning.

And to everyone else who has liked our Facebook page, followed us on Instagram and here on WordPress- thank you!

We hope to see a lot of you at the fairgrounds for the Junk Love  craft show, tomorrow!

-H

A Letter from Mom.

A Letter from Mom.

I keep wanting to start a post about Mothers Day…but really my feelings about it are very mixed. This year I no longer have a Mom to show how much I appreciate. Yes, we can celebrate who she was, and all that she did but, the past tense words break my heart. On the other hand it’s my first year being a Mom on Mother’s Day. So, I’m supposed to care about that, right?

Really I just end up wanting to pretend that it doesn’t exist so I don’t have to deal with it. Yesterday I got a letter from my mom…okay not really but, my Aunt sent me a copy of a letter that my Mother wrote her in April of 2000. Where Mom was talking about doing a dramatic reading at a women’s retreat and, how much she loved doing them. With the letter Mom also included what she planned on reading at the retreat.

The Truth In Pain

I just laid my little one on the couch.
Sick today she sleeps now.
Her breathing has settled and she can rest.

My first baby is at school today, I miss her.
I remember when I rocked her to sleep.
It seems like just a moment ago in my heart.

The two most precious gifts I have ever received,
are growing up before me.
I cannot slow them down,
but I can hold their hand for a little while.

I know that long before I am ready,
they will be turning to see the path that lay ahead.
I will no longer hold their hand,
but I will always hold them in my heart.

On the day that each was born, I did not realise
that the birthing pains were the easiest by far.
My girls have made a deep impression on my life.
One that will follow me into Eternity.

Of all the things that are mine in this world,
I am the most blessed to have the privilege of being a Mommy.

I have two angels in my charge and I will do
my very best to protect and love them
with everything in me.
My Lord will guide me in this, my greatest challenge of all.

I can lament over what was before and how I wish to go back
to a safer time in my girls’ lives.
But time moves on and I can’t let it leave me behind.
If I am to see who they will be, I must go along.

I can say I am not willingly open to this,
but the choice is not mine.
One who is much higher than I leads the way.

I heard in a song once- to close my eyes
and let go.
It is too hard not to peek- when it’ my babies in sight.

I guess a strength will come from this and I am glad to know it.
I do not think I could watch this
and have it be in vain.
My heart of a mother would crumble if such loss were so.

I cannot capture the years gone by.
I cannot put a rope around today.
I cannot see what waits for us in the midst.
I can however, glory in the fact that when this journey is over,
my babies will be with me.
The aches thst revel in my soul, will be put to light

Some may ridicule me for seeming weak.
Others will laugh when I cry.
But no one can convince me that my love is wrong.

The pain of this world will go on and on
until the day our Lord returns.
The pains of motherhood will be honored when we bring another home.

My children are teaching me how deep God’s love can be.
If He loves me more than I love my girls,
What does that say to you???
Cherish those He has given you,
and pray that He may come soon.

Susanna Collins
9-30-1998

Thanks Mom.❤

Until next week

– Mama T

My new hobby is plants.

Right now, the succulents are taking over. They’re so good at reproducing, that it’s a bit a scary.

Hold that thought. I need to go make coffee.

So, I’ve been thinking up a pretty basic list of staples for the ‘natural’ life.  At least, they seem to be super popular right now. (And who knows what the trend is going to be next?)

Coconut Oil

Witch Hazel

Aloe Gel

I feel like I’m missing one, but I’ll probably remember what it is later.

But right now, I just want to talk about Coconut Oil. Why? Because you can make so much with it and it’s edible! You haven’t lived a full life until you’ve eaten cabbage fried in Coconut Oil. Sprinkle it with a little salt and -Bam- best side dish ever. (Or one of the best side dishes. I would never be able to decide if you asked me…I like food  lot.)

It’s also a good substitute in baking, skin care, and hair care.

I use it in  my horses’ manes and tails a lot because it’s a good conditioner and helps the hair grow strong, soft, and long.  So, that’s definitely a win. (I’ve also heard you can use it on their hooves, as a moisturizer. But, I have yet to try that out.)

Coconut Oil is also, in theory, supposed to fade stretch marks and tighten skin. I tried that out after having my daughter and it did seem to help. So that’s always nice. Right now I’m less concentrated on stretch marks and really concentrated on banishing my jiggly belly.

Mmm! The coffee is ready.  (First sip is always the best. )

Also, we made to Friday, guys! Hang in there, it’s almost the weekend. (And to those who work on weekends, thank you for your sacrifice.)

-H

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bleh

Bleh

I keep watching mom videos and staring out the window looking for inspiration for this post…

But, instead I just keep making mental lists of what needs to be done before the Junk Love art show, before this weekend, and before the day is over. Then I get overwhelmed and think maybe I’ll just take baby T and Frankie on a walk and ignore all the things I should be doing.

Then…I look back at this post and I just see words that don’t matter. I’m just rambling about nothing so that it looks like there is some content.

So, I dunno I give up today.

This picture sums it up.

– Mama T